Somewhere Else -- Simple Lovely

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Just a Mere 13 Years Away

How about this…I’m just going to pretend it hasn’t been over a year since I’ve posted to this blog…I’m sure my five readers won’t mind.

A conversation that occurred at our house last week – in two acts:

Act One

A repeat of the HILARIOUS Flight of the Conchords is on TV while Audrey is absorbed in her latest drawing of a “mountain”. (I know, I know, bad, bad mom.)

One of the characters on the (have I already mentioned) HILARIOUS Flight of the Conchords says “asshole”, and Audrey (who hasn’t been paying attention to the television at all up until this point, or so I thought) looks up at me and says quizzically, “asshole?” My response? “Yes, asshole, you can’t say that word.” Her response? “OK” and back to intently working on her “mountain."

She’s incredibly serious about drawing, coloring, painting, etc… lately now that she’s decided she’s going to be an artist when she grows up. Bryan and I wholeheartedly support this career decision as long as she goes the route of artist who makes a tiny bit of money so she can afford bed pans for her parents when they’re old and decrepit, rather than becoming the artist who poops in a box and calls it art. But I digress

Act Two
The next day she’s in the den reading a book with my mother, and Audrey stops her mid-sentence to inquire, “Mama, when can I say asshole.” My mom, who wasn’t present for the aforementioned conversation is needless to say a bit bewildered, and Audrey can tell…so she explains that yesterday her mom told her she couldn’t say the word asshole and wants to know when she can say it.

Without missing a beat (my mom’s done this a few times before after all) she replies, “You can say it when you’re eighteen.” End of conversation.

A couple of hours later Audrey finds me in the kitchen…”Mom, when I’m eighteen, I can say asshole, ok?”

Over the next two days, she proceeds to share this exciting news with everyone within earshot.

Thanks mom.

The Name’s Now Mom

We’ve entered yet another new era. I am now officially “Mom.” I am no longer “Mama” or even “Mommy” (which truth be told never really took hold in our house.) Nope, it’s always “Mom.” And you know what? I really, really like it. She says it so matter of fact, so certain.

You’d think after almost 3 years this Mom thing would be old hat, but no matter how many milestones of motherhood we hit, I’m always floored that I’m somebody’s Mother, and somehow Audrey’s bold and constant proclamation of it really hits it home in a way that’s pretty delightful.

I also like all the other stuff that seems to have bubbled to the surface in Audrey that’s coinciding with my new moniker.

She’s just at the most witty, lovely, precocious, inventive (and yes, still somewhat maddening) age right now...a few recent nuggets:

• She's constantly making up elaborate stories with groovy made up names for her characters like “Schlinkey” and “Umlauve.” Ok, some people might consider this weird. I of course think it’s pretty hilarious. I mean forget her bear “Brownie” or her doll “Kate”…right now it’s all about “Schlinkey.” Period.
  
  
• She’s taken to calling Bryan and I “honey” when either of us shows any signs of sadness or pain. Like yesterday I stubbed my toe, and she promptly ran over and said, “Oh honey, are you ok…” This would be normal if Bryan or I ever used the term “honey,” but we don’t (we’re more of a “babe” family), so again…hilarious.
  
  
• She wants to watch the Dan Zanes and Friends DVD I recently bought for her non-stop, but rather than watching the part with all the animated videos, which you’d expect her to like more, she always wants the live concert footage. LOVES the live concert footage of Dan with his crazy hair and his rockin musicians singing the Hokey Pokey.
  
  What can I say…life is sweet.

After the Flood

Yesterday in Dallas was a little wet to stay the least. What started out as a quick trip to the book store ended up with me stranded on the side of the road after pulling into the lawn of an apartment complex while trying to avoid stalling out in three feet of rushing water that the street I was driving on had become.

I was scared to put it mildly, and rather than instantly springing into action to determine how to get out of my predicament, I called Bryan and cried. I’m guessing that right about now most of you are crossing me off your list of people that you’d like to be stuck with in an emergency.

At any rate, while Bryan was talking me down from the ledge, Audrey was hearing the entire conversation from her Dad’s perspective, and when I finally got home (2 hours later, soaked to the bone and covered in mud, but that’s another story) Bryan informed me that A. (who was now napping) was very scared that her Mommy was “lost in the rain”. So sad…poor kid…I can’t even begin to imagine the therapy bill for this one.

A couple of hours later when A. woke up from her nap she opened her eyes, looked up at me and said (and I quote) “Mom, you ok…did you get stuck in the rain?”

Yes, I cried.

Meltdown

I feeling pretty darn smitten with Audrey of late…even though she is firmly ensconced in what is better known as the terrible twos. I’ve never wanted to buy into that, thinking that if I admitted they exist I would somehow be creating a self fulfilling prophesy. But make no mistake, we've arrived.

Ironically she’s more charming, loving and funny than she’s ever been…punctuated with irrational little eruptions of the kind of red-faced, alligator tear crying that can only come from getting one waffle instead of two or not rewinding the Wiggles to the exact scene that she wants to view at that exact moment. ARGH!!! I’ve started having to give myself timeouts so I don’t go completely postal when she’s freaking out.

Of course I’m usually sitting in my “timeout” thinking about how charming, loving and funny she is…such is life.

Too Much Information

We’re making some progress with Audrey on the whole potty training thing. Not leaps and bounds mind you, but several successful visits to the bathroom at her request. And of course we’re very excited and congratulatory each and every time. She’s pretty proud of herself, so I guess it’s no surprise that the other night when I answered the door for the pizza guy, as I was tipping him, Audrey declared, I pee pee’d…in the potty!

You go girl. How’s that for a tip pizza guy?

Giving Thanks

Clearly writing frequent blog entries isn’t my strong suit, so here follows my epic recap of the past couple of months. Since we’re fresh off Thanksgiving, I thought it appropriate to devote this entry to the things the Taylor’s have been particularly grateful of late. Here goes… in no particular order…

• Bryan’s Cousins – As we do every year, we spent Thanksgiving with Bryan’s extended family. This annual tradition usually draws about 25 of Bryan’s cousins and second cousins (or first cousins once removed or however that goes) from his mom’s side of the family. Bryan’s cousins are such a warm, funny, kind group, and we love being around them…and really how often do you get to say that about family…at a holiday no less.

• Saying Goodbye to a Major Oral Fixation – We’ve recently curbed Audrey of her 24/7 dependence on “pappies” (her pacifiers.) I use the plural because just having one in her mouth wasn’t enough to (excuse the pun) pacify her. No, she had to “triple fist” them…walking around with spare pappies stuck to the end of her fingers. Now, I have to use this moment to say that I really didn’t have a major issue with the pappie usage, seeing as she only recently turned two…but the comments from family, friends and strangers were sending me over the proverbial edge. What we thought was going to be a nightmare of epic proportions was actually quite easy. In a mere two days, we broke her daytime pacifier usage completely and limited her indulgence to nap and bed time. Success…Which leads me to my next item-o-thanks…

• Say What? – The significant drop in pappie addiction has lead to a new era of communicating with Audrey. This is the good stuff… the little quips that Audrey comes up with which are worthy of that inevitable “kids say the darndest things” page in all parenting magazines – I hate that page by the way. Of course now that I’m writing about it, I actually remember very few hilarious things she’s said lately. I know I should really write them down…just like I should really break her of that damn pappie altogether…you know she is two after all.

• Play Doh – I know this one is decidedly less significant than the rest, but it merits a place on the list due to the sheer volume of Audrey meltdowns it’s prevented over the past few months. It’s a God send I tell ya, and if you’re the parent of a toddler and have yet to purchase Play Doh, I highly recommend you get to the nearest store and buy some.